The Trouble With Pain

Somehow C.S. Lewis wrote an entire book about how the existence of pain proves that God is real and that God is good. (I’m paraphrasing.) He says that considering something painful proves that pain is not the norm. If all of life was just a constant state of suffering then we would not call pain…

In the Land of Grief: The Lion Roars

The hues of death take me to lands I’ve never before traveled. Mountains of grief snatch air from my chest the higher I climb. Valleys of sorrow hide the sun from my face. Who are you, Death? What have you done to my family? Have you come solely for the purpose of breaking our hearts?…

Grief at Arm’s Length 

Looking on His limp body, I know He knows the exhaustion. My insides feel limp. His arms span the length of my aching.  All of me held together.                                He says nothing, yet He speaks volumes.  I know He knows—  …

Finding Peace in Life’s Debris

Last week,  I saw countless Facebook friends sharing their results from “find out the status update you will be posting in ten years.” As I scrolled through the comical posts,  I wondered what made this so popular. What else could it be other than our secret desire to flip to the last page of our lives and…

Looking Like Mom and Hiding in Her Skirts

At three years old, I was painfully shy. So shy that no matter where my mom was, two tiny Keds and two high heeled shoes stood under the same flowy skirt. Of course what seems odd now, wasn’t then. As a child, all I knew was I had to be close to my mom. If I wasn’t so close…

Crossing the Bridge on Good Friday

I collapsed. Exhausted from the chase of everything that can’t satisfy. Blackness. Not even sleep could help me escape the misery of who I was. Each time I resolved to do better, I fell back again and again. Bleak hopelessness encompassed my world. I couldn’t go on. Then, in the darkness I heard rustling. Voices…

Moving Past Disobedience and Failure

  Perhaps the most agonizing part about disobedience is waiting around for another opportunity to prove yourself faithful. Think back to your schooling days. You took a test, waited a few days and received your results. As test scores hit your peers’ desks, students either sat up straight with confidence or slumped lower in disappointment….

When God Leads You Where You Don’t Want to Go

As I walk into this realization that God sometimes leads us where we do not want to go, my soul is torn. I hold both shock and joy, frustration and humility. I ask myself, “How could God call me somewhere I do not want to go? Isn’t He a good God? Isn’t He my friend? Isn’t…

Running Out of Words and Moving Forward

Turning around, I locked eyes with the trashed 1990s Mercedes parked down the street. “That’s my finish line.” Heel toe, heel toe, heel toe. Excessive pants because I’m out of shape. Seconds into the sprint– “It’s too far. You’re not ready. You can’t make it.” Heel toe, heel toe. Hands on hips. Heel        …

When The Path Seems Pointless

Ever wondered why God is taking so long to bring your dreams to life, or if He even will? During a recent “woe is me” episode (yes, another one), I stumbled upon “The Tale of The Three Trees.” I dug into the whimsical, worry-free pages of childhood and shed more tears than I’ll admit, as…

When The Mop Bucket Spills

Yesterday, I spent a lot of time mopping the floors. They’ve been getting unusually dirty, trapped under a filmy, stubborn slime of sin, accusation and doubt. After each mopping, the residue created an even dirtier concoction of water in my tattered bucket. The murky liquid gave a nauseating stench of self-rejection. ” … [My dark…

The Process and Pain of (Mis)Understanding

Living in a foreign country has me feeling like a misunderstood teenager again. Since coming here, I developed a habit of haranguing heaven with “God, when will you let me understand why you’ve brought me to Spain? Why did you extract me from my element, country and place of comfort? How much longer until I…