For a couple months I’ve struggled with this subtle sensation of not belonging. I’ve felt uncomfortable in this new season of life. I’ve felt uncomfortable in typical social settings. I’ve felt unsettled in my own skin.
This new season brought me to a place of letting go of more things than I knew I needed to, and most of my days consist of squirming around wishing this transition time would just end already.
In recent hours (literally like ten hours ago) God called me to let go of something else: my feelings.
Don’t misunderstand me, please. Feelings are a good gift from the Father. They enhance our experience of life and enrich each moment. But, I contorted this good and perfect gift. I made it a villainous weapon notorious for self-inflicted pain. He called me to drop the weapon and let Him do a new thing with my feelings.
Today, I woke up after my overwhelmingly glorious and wonderful baptism day and I felt disgruntled, exhausted, and frustrated that I didn’t get enough rest. I didn’t feel gushing love. I didn’t feel pursued. I felt like God just wasn’t that into me.
Until noon today, I accepted the lie that says my feelings dictate to God what He thinks of me and how He feels about me.
Then, I declared these truths over myself, so my heart could freely accept and revel in the goodness and truth that is Jesus’ undying, sacrificial, ever-constant love for me:
I am One with you, Jesus. Your blood flows through my veins, so I am strong, able, powerful, loved, cherished, fully known, totally taken care of, completely considered, perfectly whole, perfectly good and always enough, never too much, never unlovely, always pure and perfectly complete.
I am forever in right standing with God my Father. God, you chose me from my mother’s womb. All of life is You choosing me over and over again, all of me. All of life is You calling me closer, up higher, nearer. You will continue calling me every single moment without fear or hesitation. You never doubt me. You never withhold mercy and love and forgiveness.
You are bigger than my heart and my emotions. You know everything. My mind is sound because of your blood. My past, most recent and future sins are all eternally paid for, even when I don’t feel like they are.
You delight in splitting the seas for me, doing the impossible in my life and my heart. You are my Father and you love to provide for me, to protect me, to guard and guide my life with your wisdom and goodness. Your intentions and motives are always good and always pure and right and totally fueled by love. I am surrounded by your arms in every season, every lesson, every loss, every gain and every feeling.
If you struggle with allowing feelings to dictate your life and your walk with God, then preach this stuff to yourself until you can’t preach it anymore. Declare truth over every emotion and every thought until His word and power totally re-shapes your being.