Pity Party

Have you ever been hurt? Ever been so depressed or pained that you chose to stay in bed a little longer or get to bed five hours too early? Ever chose isolation over hugs because you didn’t want anyone interrupting your time of saturating sadness?

Me too.

Sometimes, before I even got out of bed, the sadness completely engulfed me. Then, I would try really hard to bring it to Jesus. Most times, I didn’t have the words, I just had tears and the Holy Spirit who would intercede for me through my groaning and crying.

But, eventually I had to wake up. I had to get out of bed. I had to let people in. I had to do something else because I couldn’t go on that way.

Throughout my day, memories would wash over me and the pain would trickle back in so I’d scroll through Facebook and Instagram, seeking just a sparkle of a pretty picture so that I didn’t have to feel or think. I just wanted to stop thinking about how sad I was.

I wanted to keep all the lights off and bury my head under my pillow and then wake up when all the dust settled and the memory and pain ceased.

But, Jesus didn’t want that.

He would not allow that.

He wanted me to get up and go to Him.

One morning, I woke up praying and the Holy Spirit said “stop the self-pity.”

I didn’t even realize my justifiable sadness and time of grieving had turned into a completely sinful act of self-pity.

Jesus beckoned me to come to Him with my hurt and my sadness and my longing. He wanted me to bring it before Him and let Him deal with it.

But, I did a sub-par job of allowing Him in, in every moment. But, there’s grace for that.

Often, in moments of pain and heartbreak we resist Him. But, why?

“Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire beside you.”

-Psalm 73:25.

If you didn’t already know how great God is, let me put it in this context.

There is no other God or religious leader or teacher or prophet or king who has ever stepped off of his throne to help the most lowly, vile, hurting and desperate of people, and then to go so far as to give those people His kingdom.

Do not be afraid little flock, your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.

– Luke 12:32

He did that for me. He did that for you.

So, let Him heal you. Let Him take control.

At first, your soul will flinch and say “No, I’m hurting, Jesus, and I want to sit here and mull around in my memories and my feelings!”

Self-pity is toxic. It’s self-centered, self-focused and self-entitled. It keeps our focus inward. There’s no healing to be found within our selves. No matter how long we dwell and feed our emotional states we will not find help. We will find greater desperation.

So, today marks the end of that.

If you’re struggling with self-pity, then join me and choose to go to Jesus with all the emotions and the misplaced entitlement and the hurt and pain.

If the healer says, “come to Me” it’s because He wants to heal you. He wants to have you. He wants to listen and know and help. He wants, above all those things, to just be with us and lavish on love.

Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest for your souls.

-Matthew 11:28

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