Trust Fall

Do you trust me?

Ultimately, that’s the question we answer in the five seconds prior to falling back into the arms of someone standing behind us, promising not to let our body slam against the floor.

It’s called a trust fall.

Have you ever done this? With a friend? With a sibling? With a stranger?

Have you ever done this with God?

I’ll admit, many times, I’ve readily put my trust in the human behind me, rather than the Almighty Who goes before me.

Let me take you back to our first trust fall…

July 2013: I was on a patio at the beach; God was all around.

I was lingering in the darkness of my own understanding, then His words, “Do you trust me?” charged my world with light.

I thought about all the shameful moments I had tallied up in my short life thus far.

I thought about all the times I rejected Him. Cursed Him. Dishonored Him.

Then, I thought about the nature of the voice asking for my trust.

This God… His voice, it’s so kind. This Father who’s waiting to catch me, He’s so loving.

“Look at the mess I’ve made of things, God. Why are you speaking to me with such kindness?”

That question answered His question. I trusted this God to catch me when I fall.

I fell back, jaw clenched, eyes thrust shut and body tense from the anticipation of hitting the ground. Then, a rushing impact: peace.

The overflow of joy and shock and excitement I experienced– upon realizing my body didn’t hit the floor–it’s beyond any finite words I have to offer.

14 months later, and we’re still doing trust exercises.

In the big and small moments– the births, the deaths, the job gains and losses, the moving decisions, the school decisions, the career decisions, the relationships, all the choices — He continually asks, “Do you trust Me?”

Either you do or you don’t; you will or you won’t; you’ll fall or you’ll stand; do you trust God or man?

Do you trust that I’m guiding you?

Do you trust Me with the ones I bring into your life? What about with the ones I take out?

Right now, while the temptation to walk back to your old ways permeates your being, will you still trust Me?

When you’re sitting in your room, thinking about the many blessings I’ve given you, the people, and the victories I’ve led you to, will you trust Me to keep doing it?

Or, will you fall on your past mistakes and feelings of unworthiness?

What about when the memories of your old emotional instability start to creep in and steal your joy?

What about when anxiety starts to take root and fear whispers…

“You’re not good at this purity thing. The battle is over, and you’ve already lost.

You’re not good at this Christian thing. You’re not good at this being a better friend thing, or this being a nicer daughter, or being a teacher or a mother. You’re just not good enough.”

Will you trust Me to prove those lies wrong?

Will you trust Me in each day, with each moment I have you to myself?

If you trust Me, then I need you to look at me.

Look Me in the eyes, and hold your gaze on me.

Stop. You’re looking into the future.

Look at Me. Focus all of your attention on me.

Bring all of your thoughts under submission to my authority.

Breathe.

Relax.

Stay.

Breathe. Trust me. I love you.

Do you love Me?

“Yes” poured out of my mouth, as well as my heart and soul.

Do you believe that I am a good Father?

“Yes,” again.

Do you believe that no one knows you better than I?

“Yes.”

Do you trust that I am eternally invested in you?

“Yes, I know that you are.”

Do you trust that everything I ask of you is out of love?

“Yes.”

Do you trust that love compels everything about me?

“Yes.”

Good. Think about that and breathe.

Keep breathing. Keep basking in My love.

Do you trust me if I tell you to walk away?

“Yes.”

And if I tell you to stay, will you trust Me to give you the strength?

Will you trust Me to take you on a journey, on a road that’s unfamiliar to you?

Will you trust that in the unknown, in the mystery, there is unimaginable adventure waiting for you?

“God, I know Your plans are good. I know Your ways are higher than mine. You know all things. I know nothing. How limited my understanding. How trivial my thoughts. I am but dust. Jesus, I am dust. But, I trust You. I will trust You with what you give me and where You lead me. I will trust You when you tell me to give back to You what you gave. I will trust You Jesus because I have no other chance at life. I have no other chance at happiness, apart from trusting You. I have no right to myself. I need You to guide me. How can dust know the way? Only by Your Spirit. Spirit lead me. Your word says you will never leave me.”

Do you trust Me, Alexis?

“Yes, I love You.”

Good, then you have found the secret to life.

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